Due to my love of reading, I may be considered a “book stalker”.
Whenever I see someone holding a book in public, in a non-creepy way, I always try to see the title. Today, as I got on the subway, I didn’t have to do any work. A lady was holding a book with gigantic letters on the cover.
It read: How to kill your family.
I kept thinking about it long after leaving the subway.
The book itself is a novel, but this idea of “killing your family”, in a metaphorical way, is getting bigger and bigger in the “self-development” space.
The overall idea is that you’re trapped by the beliefs and ideals of both your parents and you need to let them go so you can set yourself free and live your life.
I agree 100%! You should go through your own journey based on your own model of the world, not the one you were first taught, regardless of how hard it is to change it.
Even though I’m fortunate enough to have great parents, I know I do things that are not aligned with their worldview (hi mom! hi dad! love you!) But that’s just growing, right?
The idea that the only way to do this is to “kill” the internal representations of both figures makes sense to a very small percentage of people. Most of us would be better off focusing on “integration”, I believe.
In extreme cases, where the family is deeply dysfunctional, you should do that.
But in all others, understanding what can you take from each of your family members and integrating that within your own view is far better than the eternal loneliness coming from “murdering” your own family.
Or maybe I’m projecting…
I have a few friends who have tried to do this, and now, they’re just…miserable.
It makes me sad that the path of their own independence ends in this worldview, completely opposite from the one their parents have, not because of their own inner work but out of blind rebellion.
Building a more complete worldview seeking wisdom from everyone (including the flawed beings that raised you) is a far better strategy than succumbing to the “shadowy” idea that they’re just the representation of pure evil.
Hello, fellow book stalker!
I've been struggling with negative feelings about my parents, and then shame at myself because they sacrificed too much for me to have a better life. Paradoxically, I also think that some things they taught, which I rebelled against, actually make sense now that I'm older. It's a strange dichotomy.
I'm reminded of this quote: “When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.”